A touching poem by Jay Haug

[HKHaugan]

I Was Wrong, Back Then

I thought I was

Abandoned, bereft, a cast-off

By You, My God…beaten and punished

When I was eight, at summer camp

Lonely, frightened and ashamed.

I thought, back then

That feelings were facts

That men were like gods

Doling out punishment and rewards

Pain and justice deserved.

I thought parents knew more

Than they did.

How to protect and make

Their children safe

Free from danger and harm.

But I was wrong, back then

About God, feelings and parents

Jesus was there, unseen, the suffering servant

Bearing my shame, loneliness and fear.

Standing as a sentinel nearby, You did not abandon your son.

Now I know… parents are not perfect and feelings are not facts

No matter how powerful and real they seem.

They must bow to truth

Men make mistakes, they fall short

“Weak, divided, leaderless” are they.

Parents are fallen and fog-bound

Hanging on the tiller, at best

Listening for the bell-buoy, praying against disaster

To avoid the shoals of their own denied short-comings,

Pain and needs. Almost without knowing, they create room for God to work.

You, O God

Have leveled the playing field

Under the gaze of your grace

Altogether broken, we are

All the same redeemed, if willing.

Where are we to take the pieces of our lives,

The shattered and broken dreams?

To You, the vision-giver, the Author of Life

We come again and again

To find the healing place and eternal rest.

Jay Haug